You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
