I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
