I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
