i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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