i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Randomize
