tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
