I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
