I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
