no, he came in my armpit
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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