Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
NoShamevember. You game?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
