I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
