I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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