After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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