My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just found a bag of teeth...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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