You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
