five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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