Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
