dude i'm inner monologue high
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
