She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Also, beer. Big fan.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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