Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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