I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
