Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
