I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
