She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
