Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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