My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
