did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
