I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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