i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
This is my gift to your gina
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
