Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
