my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
