More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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