wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
