Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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