I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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