I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
