i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
