No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
