I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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