i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
