just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
