3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
