The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
