She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
