I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
