That's intense
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize