i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We got so high we made milksteak
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I believe in your delicious
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
