Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
