I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
