Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
