sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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