he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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