come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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