Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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