Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
